This is a page for Porter County residents which, hopefully, will interest some and irritate others by calling attention to issues, happenings, thoughts, ideas, and politics, sometimes pertinent just to Porter County and often beyond those borders for we are no island onto ourselves.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Auction Action

For sale: U S of A. Cheap. No questions asked or allowed. Will sub-divide. Everything is on the table: oil corporations, toll roads—specials in Indiana and Illinois, water and credit card companies, farm land, sea ports, and, of course, our top politicians.

This sale will be strengthened by banning anyone wearing a T-shirt in opposition, anyone supporting or threatening legislation in opposition, and anyone connected in any way with the news media, except, of course, Fox News and the other real news people who support whatever we choose to do.

All sales decisions, including who can attend, will be made solely by Bill of Goods Brother Bush who will lead us in prayer. We will conduct this sale without fear of counter-demonstration because security will be provided by Dead-Eye Dick Cheney and his 30 thousand dollar, single-notched shotgun.

A 10 percent discount will be given to our Mid-Eastern friends in the U.A.E, Iran, Syria, and Saudi Arabia. No Americans need apply.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

CAUGHT IN THE COOKIE JAR

There, now, see. I told you what a sharing, caring, compassionate CEO Ron Winger is. He’s giving his whole 44,000-dollar raise to training nurses. That’s what he planned to do with it in the first place. He’s just such a busy CEO that he didn't have time to tell anyone.

Ron’s spinner said that Ron’s critics had nothing to do with his sudden generosity and, of course, we all believe that. After all, who wouldn’t believe what Porter Memorial Hospital administrators tell us.

Well, actually there is one guy, a neighbor of mine. When he read about Ron’s compassion, he said it reminded him of the compassion of his seven-year old son who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. When his parents demanded to know what he was doing, he handed the cookie to his five year old sister and swore that’s what he intended to do in the first place, at which point his mother quipped, “Well, at least it shows that he has the qualifications to be a CEO when he grows up, maybe even at Porter Memorial.”

CEO’s Minimum Wages


Well, just listen up, Porter County, because this is one guy who is going to stick up for Wrong Winger, the Porter Memorial Hospital CEO. I’m sorry, I meant Ron Winger. I’ve heard him called Wrong Winger so often I even catch myself doing it, and I’m one of his fans.

What’s all this fuss about a lousy 44 thousand dollar raise. Like 44,000 is a big deal. It’s not, especially for a big, important CEO like Ron Winger. You’d think from all the noise that there are people in Porter County who don’t get raises like that all the time. Some of the complainers are even saying that there are people in Porter County who don’t make 44 thousand in a year—or two—or three. Even if that were true, that’s not Ron’s fault. Let them get theirs the way he got his by getting raises from a board, some of them, that doesn’t know the difference between a hospital and a house of ill repute. I know, I know, there are some who say Porter is a house of ill repute. That’s not fair. There are some hard-working, dedicated people at Porter Memorial Hospital and they deserve our thanks and our respect. I heard Ron got 44 dollar raises for some of them. Doesn’t that show leadership and a willingness to share.

And another thing, I’ve had just about enough from those two county commissioners who keep picking on Ron, especially Bob Harper, who’s running for re-election and is always demanding that Porter Memorial be operated in the best interests of its patients, not its administrators. Jeez, he’s got some idea that a hospital is supposed to be for those who use it instead of for those who abuse it. Apparently, Bob Harper doesn’t know what CEO stands for. It stands for Cheat Every One, Bob. That’s what CEO’s do today and if that 44 thousand dollar raise doesn’t show that Wrong Winger is good at that, then you just aren’t paying attention, Bob.